


I Don't Claim to Be Proud, But My Head Won't Be Hung in Shame

by Pretence101



Series: And I'm Still Standing (Isn't That Enough?) [5]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 15:53:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7851475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pretence101/pseuds/Pretence101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jemma remembers this feeling, from her first few hours at Hydra. Terrified. Completely alone. The agonizing waiting. She never thought she'd have to go through that again.<br/>She doesn't like to be proved wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Claim to Be Proud, But My Head Won't Be Hung in Shame

**Author's Note:**

> Finally managed to get another one written! Sorry its quite short, but the one after it that I'm working on will be longer!  
> Hope you enjoy!

By now they all will know. They will all be looking down at the screen with anger, confusion, rage. No one has been back to speak to her. No one wants to hear her explanation. It doesn't matter. 

She is the enemy now.

The wall disappears suddenly to reveal Bobbi sitting outside. She's the first visitor she's had since Daisy.

Bobbi had been so friendly before. She doesn't wear that easy smile now.

“We have a lot to talk about.”

Jemma sighs inwardly, sitting up out of instinctual courtesy. “Do we?”

No longer is she Jemma and that stings more than it should. But it's not as if she didn't expect it. It was as if they were detached strangers now, not that she had known Bobbi for particularly long.

It was all business.

“He's pretty manipulative, isn't he? You might not even be aware of it. Three years is a long time. Long enough to build up your trust and use you for his own accord, without you even realising. He's done it before."

This is Fitz's doing, Jemma realises. Bobbi would have come in here anyway and questioned her, yes, but Jemma is sure that the agent would have had no issue with believing she simply switched sides. Fitz must have demanded; pleaded; begged them to let her explain, to dig up an answer that wasn't the fateful truth. They are grasping at straws; giving her one last chance at salvation.

She wishes she could give it to them.

“I can assure you Agent Morse, I am, unfortunately I guess, quite aware and in control of everything I've done. I was not coerced. You believe my mind is trapped under some sort of Stockholm Syndrome?”

“Something like that. I don't know you at all, so I can't say either way, but there's people here who don't quite believe you could be acting of your own accord.”

“Sk... _Daisy ___seemed pretty convinced I am.” The words are quiet as she remembers the confrontation.

“ _Agent Johnson ___is upset, yes. Understandably so are a lot of people. I think I would be too, if I found out my friend was consorting with the enemy. Which brings us to my next question.”

“Which is?”

“Who initiated the relationship?”

That flusters Jemma to a point she can't hide. “Is that really relevant? I figured you'd be asking me for some Hydra secrets by now.”

“I believe so. We need to know what kind of frame of mind you're in now, and before, how desperate you were. How desperate _he ___is. What lengths will Ward go to get you back? All of these answers will help us understand what's happened.” Bobbi offers her a tight smile. “We'll get to Hydra secrets a bit later. Besides, I thought you wanted a chance to tell your side of the story?”

She can't argue that that's true. She just didn't expect to have to reveal this particular side, however.  
“I couldn't tell you who started it.”

“And it's a sexual relationship?”

“Yes.” She snaps indignantly. The torturous questions continue, and Jemma starts to feel extremely irritated. They are getting nowhere with this, and for a moment she figures she might as well just tell Morse everything, in chronological order with fun facts. The almost primal growl he makes when she squeezes and runs her hand down the length of him. How pain and pleasure seem to merge when he takes her roughly up against the wall, driving into her with a furious rhythm. A flush begins to creep into her cheeks and she shifts uncomfortably on the bed.

If Bobbi sees how reddened she's suddenly become, she thankfully ignores it. 

“I can understand being vulnerable and scared. Alone. Needing comfort from someone.”

“I honestly want to be able to tell you that it was all him, that he used sneaky ways to manipulate me into doing his bidding. But it's not the truth. I was very much able to survive on my own. Grant is trying to be a better man.”

“You really believe that?”

The tone of the question seems completely genuine, and a tiny spark of hope builds in Jemma's chest.

“Yes. I really do.”

There's a long stretch of silence. Jemma's fingers drum the edge of the bed, scrambling through her thoughts to build up a concrete next step, one that will allow Bobbi to be open to what could be achieved if they just listen to what she has to say. But Bobbi gathers her thoughts a second too soon.

“Let's get back to the crux of this whole issue shall we? What exactly have you leaked to Hydra since you've been here?”

Jemma falters. She was sure she had cracked through.

“Nothing. I haven't been communicating with them at all. I don't know if they care about me. I'm just talking to Grant. I tried to tell Daisy.” Bobbi doesn't correct her this time.

“Why should we believe you? You lied before.”

“Everything I told you about Hydra is true. I just couldn't say anything about Grant. I had to get you to trust me first. That's basically why we had this planned in the first place.”

Bobbi quirks an eyebrow. “You planned to be captured?”

“It was the only way we would be able to contact you without endangering our whole endgame. Grant was the one who gave you guys the tip off as to where the recovery mission would be.”

“You really want me to believe that Hydra, the same Hydra that operated covertly within Shield for years, has a secret faction of its own, that is dedicated to taking it down?”

“I'm telling you, we are on the same side.”

“No, we're most definitely not. Hydra knows nothing of loyalty.”

They're sharp words, quite inarguably the truth. But Jemma has been waiting for the opportunity to play her upper hand.

“Did you know Gonzales is working with the ATCU?” She knows Coulson will be the one watching the interrogation; knows it will undoubtedly, even at a subconscious level, pique his suspicions.

Bobbi's eyes narrow. “That's quite a bold statement. Do you have any proof of this?”

“Grant and I have proof, yes. Gonzales wants control over the Inhumans just as much as John Garrett and Whitehall do. Nobody cares about protecting them. If they are deemed to be no use, no matter whether its Shield or Hydra, they suddenly disappear, to be locked up. Or suffer an unfortunate death. They deserve justice.”

“Your information is wrong. Shield's only goal is to help Inhumans. Coulson has a team set up to assist them with their transition.”

“Regardless of Coulson's belief, I can promise you Shield definitely doesn't share the same mindset. All those Inhumans you didn't manage to reach in time? Hydra only has half of them. The others have all been detained by Gonzales.”

For a second it looks like Bobbi might just believe Jemma. Her mouth twitches, like she's considering a response, but one doesn't come. Instead she simply stands up in silence to leave.

“Please, one last thing.” Jemma unsuccessfully tries to control the way her voice is breaking. Thankfully Bobbi pauses, but she doesn't turn around.

“Can you...please, can you tell Fitz that...” I missed you. I never stopped thinking about you. I would dream of the day I would see you again.

_I'm so, so, painfully sorry. ___

“Just, tell him that he was a better friend than I deserved.” It's an unbelievably lame sentiment, but the words she truly wants to say catch in her chest, filling it impossibly tight.

Bobbi conveys no acknowledgement however, her fingers skimming across the tablet, leaving Jemma alone once again.


End file.
